5.11.06

Political Situation in Bangladesh 101


Something a little regional but timely. You may have heard that things are going a little more ape than usual in Bangladesh, please remember the whole society in your duas.

Some people feel that all the parties are the same in Bangladesh. I wrote this for those people but hope you like it, and will be better informed about the contemporary politics in the lands of my ancestors, International relations, Development and 'civil society.

I think the best way of knowing what somebody is like it to look at what they do and find out how they deal with problems. Studying natural disasters is one of these ways. Extrapolating stuff onto a ridiculous scenario is another. Its a bit like the 'you have two cows' email.

Imagine a huge swarm of carnivorous locusts the size of Jackfruit (see image ) land in a packed Dhaka Stadium and start making a meal of Mohammeddan and Abohani(two famous sporting clubs) as well as the spectators.

What do our various social forces think and do?

BNP: Blame RAW(Indian intelligence). Faff around until figuring that it is in their interests to actually do something. Deploy the military (minus any important people), sit on the political 'credit' for decades. If that doesn't work, because the army is busy making startup capital in Africa as UN peace keeper, induce some Afghan jihad veterans to have a go.

Jatiya Party: Something very crafty indeed, I'm too young to know anything other than FAP (Flood Action Plan - big money investment after nasty floods of 87/88) and cant extrapolate. Suggestions are welcome.

Awami League: Invoke the spirit of liberation, electronically hack into the commentators box and lead the spectators in an earthshaking rendition of Amar Sonar Bangla (national anthem), from Singapore of course. kinda like on the Titanic.

Communist Party of Bangladesh: Declare Mohamedan Sporting a class enemy and the others some kind of collateral damage. Make any other initiative difficult.

Centre for Policy Dialogue (rubbish thinktank): Write an agreeable sounding technocratic proposal to the queen of the locusts praising her population control methodology but urging a little more of a participatory approach. Because Bangladesh is the next Switzerland ( a claim one of their founders made around the time of the creation of the country).

Susheel Samaj(NGOs and civil society): Run away from dhaka, in planes and neat cars.

Tablighi Jamaat: Try to improve the character of the players and the spectators while their own limbs are being fiendishly nibbled at.

50% of ricksha walahs, CNGs and cabbies: Make a killing on getting people out of there.

JamaateIslami: Think "Lets turn dhaka stadium into an Islamic State!(don't ask what that means, its what we do!)" Deploy a weary but willing shibir (student wing) to kick some arse.

US: Send a multidisciplinary team of hot scientists to study and learn from the behavior gnawing insects. Create a climate of panic with an exaggerated sob-story account of one of their citizens that got eaten to further manipulate International institutions and geopolitics in their unipolar favour.

UK: Urge UK citizens not to travel to Bangladesh and mumble something to whatever victors of the conflict to act with restraint, protect democratic institutions and uphold the rule of law. Threaten to stop funding shushil samaj.

China: Probably contribute something very useful like, 'We faced this problem 100000 years ago, try this out'. We try to apply it, but can't read the instructions.

Japan: Send in JICA(their foreign technical assistance outfit), who conclude that we aren't disciplined enough to make any of their plans work.

India : "I guess you wont be needing this water then."

Greenpeace: This is further evidence of the biological mutations enabled by climate change. whoopee!

Christian Science Monitor (News agency): "Political scenario in Bangladesh might favour the Islamists." "Bangladesh's minorities fear persecution."

Half of Malaysia : Send us their peace corps.

The other Half: Wonder how they are going to get rid of these foreign workers.

My fellow Sylatians in the UK: Fund the expansion of Osmani Airport in Sylhet.

2 comments:

eLeCtRiKbLuEs said...

well said!

Asif said...

I laughed a lot reading this. You have too much faith in the soundness of what Tabligh-e-Jamaat does, although one cannot really fault their intentions. On the flip side, you have very little faith in CPD's soundness or intentions. Why though? Is practical knowledge not relevant at all?

You're a sound individual, capable of weighing evidence with an open mind and without the weight of your own prejudices. At least, that much I gather from your writings.

In the final analysis, I'll take this the way you meant it: humourously.