Foreign Policy Wonkage

Here's something I've been thinking about regarding the ideal british foreign policy from a Muslim's perspective. For many years we have been told that we should have a stance and care for the Ummah 'through' the government. I think its naive and makes things worse. It is time to engage with the FCO, stop being patronised by it and tell them whats best from our unique vantage point of being british citizens and third worldists who don't buy into guff. There is no need to subscribe to their bo!!oxwash, the truth needsto be conveyed.

I therefore present a moderate foreign policy position, bridging east and west, one that is in the interests of both. It is sustainable through generations.

1. We dont want your your dirty money poisoning our social reform processes.

2. Hold your ears, squat, rise, squat rise and apologise for your past colonial and present economic crimes. Prepare for the mother of all compensation trials.

3. Never stick your noses in another's business, resist your cultural urges to dominate, meddle, whisper, subvert, 'develop' and 'study'.

4. Stop exporting your GCSEs and Alevels. It is embarrasing how our elites are fond of them.

5. Don't think that your development 'aid' is of any essential benefit.

6. Stop talking about shared values, its a waste of paper, just makes us laugh.

7. Don't allow your banks to contain money thats been siphoned from third world treasuries. I dont care if you were making a packet on Islamic finance.

8. Return all plundered goods from your museums.

9. Stop stirring social dysfunction, division and dissafection by broadcasting your cultural, social and political propaganda at us.

10. Do something about the greed, debt that is making your people suffer so much.

If the UK follows this advice the decolonising countries will start taking responsibility and pride in their own being. The UK public can be assured that it is not being made a fool out of overseas as the colonial guilt card will be withdrawn from circulation and the world will be a slightly better place.