Khatibs from another dimension

This blog is dedicated to all the crap khatibs out there in the Ummah, this one's for you, in a vain hope that you annihilate yourselves, or at least take a step off the minbar and find a good track of learning. 

I am able to discern exactly how crap you are and spot your socially spasticating impacts because I have tasted and imagined the other end of the spectrum. Many  havent, and you are retarding our advancement. Allah probably created you, as he created mosquitoes, HT, Israel and smelly people, as anti-examples, to give the truly awesome some context and struggle.

The millet should create new spaces and minbars with its intellect, dosh and will. Decision-making cabals should imagine what the future looks like and parents should invest in elocution lessons.

Also, stupid stupid professionals should create their own Jumma khanas in the city and not hog those of other communities, they are retarding.

so hear we go,

You are such a crappy khatib,
I want to eat my face,
Every time i must endure you,
Have you not heard of grace?

I'm not an alcopaki,
From the jamat aloof,
I know you'll feel the same some day,
and believe I have much proof.

Infantalising smug faced bums,
Aren't for the minbar destined,
There are qualities of mind and soul,
Beyond the large intestine.

But, I cant interrupt your khutba,
That's sunnaticly proscribed,
but Slap'n'Hug and Bitch'n'Scrub,
you will definitely find.


Ali said...


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